Sabrina, Queen of Hell. Photo: @Netflix
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (CAOS) part 3 (season 3) just aired last week and yes, I’ve already binged my way through it. In a day. Sorry, not sorry. I have to say, this has been my favorite season thus far. It’s packed with so many wild twists that make you think “well, why the hell not?!”
I’d read that this season was going to be packed with musical numbers, and that honestly made me nervous because I did not sign up to watch a musical about Hell and witches. However, I was pleasantly surprised because although there are some singing scenes, they aren’t the dominating force of the show overpowering anything—and it’s actually fun to watch (plus, they all have amazing voices!) Maybe one day they could team up with Riverdale’s Josie (like Josie and the Pussycats…hmm) in the next town over. (P.S. we finally get some Riverdale/Greendale crossover, more about that later—alllll the theories need its own post because we’ve been anxiously awaiting this for so long!)
We left off in season two with Nick sacrificing himself to absorb the Dark Lord into his body and mind. So, it makes sense that we start off in season three with Sabrina’s determination to rescue Nick. Lilith has imprisoned Nick and dragged his lifeless body to Hell, and we capture glimpses of what Nick is fighting in his mind: he and the Dark Lord wrestling (shirtless of course) and being in a constant battle of domination and submission.
Fast forward, after rescuing Nick from Hell, Sabrina kind of becomes the interim Queen of Hell (Lilith can ’t be Queen because she isn’t blood, and Sabrina is the daughter of the Dark Lord so she’s the next suitable option to rule). However, Sabrina’s reign that she didn’t really want but sort of casually accepted, becomes threatened by a handsome man she sees building sand castles on a beach when she enters Hell. Because why not be welcomed into Hell by a hot man that was made into existence from clay? We find out this guy is Prince Caliban, and it’s decided they must compete for the throne by going on a quest to find the Unholy Regalia: Judas Iscariot’s 30 pieces of silver, King Herod’s crown, and Pontius Pilate's bowl. Whoever finds and delivers the most items will then rule Hell from Pandemonium (like the capital city of Hell). Love that name.
Prince Caliban. Photo: @Netflix
Sabrina has a LOT to deal with this season. When she’s not searching for these impossible to find items, there’s a LOT of other stuff going on. Like cheerleading tryouts (the whole time I was like wow the Queen of Hell is doing a 'Bring it On' rendition of 'Hey Mickey', ha!) She’s also having to deal with fighting with Nick, who is going insane because he has “remnants” of the Dark Lord inside of him still, which take on the form of a black tar looking substance. He turns to drinking and drugs, and some other things I won’t say on here, and ultimately is just terrible to Sabrina. I’m sorry but if you have your girlfriends Dad inside of you for that long trying to make you submit to him, and he happens to be the Dark Lord, I don’t see how their relationship could ever be the same again. When they break things off in their relationship, I felt a huge relief. Let Nick move on, and you have more important things to focus on Sabrina! Stop this teenage boy craziness.
I almost forgot, there’s also a Pagan carnival (very Something Wicked This Way Comes vibe) that wants to sacrifice a virgin to resurrect their god, “The Green Man”, who is an ancient god of the Earth. With that comes the awkward, “well, who’s still a Virgin here” (ahem, Harvey and Roz still haven’t done the deed, and let’s be honest after Roz is turned to stone and can’t be awoken by Harvey’s true love kiss because he doesn’t love her—it’s clear Harvey still has feelings for Sabrina). Anyway, back to hell and evil things. The Pagan witches are super annoying. We have Pan, also an old God that can turn people crazy just by his gaze (he does this to one of Prudence’s sisters, nooo!), and there’s also this temptress that is a snake charmer but also essentially Medusa. They received their powers from the Earth, before more powerful witches that got their powers from the Dark Lord took over. To make matters especially tricky, the coven can’t even fight these Pagan witches because the Dark Lord has taken their powers away (he’s pissed because they imprisoned him in Nick’s body and dethroned him).
Thankfully, after everything turns to s*** with main characters dying left and right, Harvey being sacrificed, and the Green Man god taking over, we remember that Sabrina’s cousin has been holding onto a weird looking alien baby that they stole from Father Blackwood, who got it from the Lochness Monster. WOW that was complicated. Are you still with me? Okay, so this thing has ancient powers of time, and Sabrina is able to go back in time prevent all of these crazy deaths from happening and the old gods from taking over. Plus, Aunt Zelda learns in purgatory how to get the coven’s powers back without the Dark Lord, and prays to the Ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft, Hekate.
Sabrina, Aunt Zelda, Aunt Hilda, and the Coven Celebrate The Hare Moon
Photo: Screenrant
I honestly loved all of the girl power in this season. They don’t need Father Blackwood anymore to lead their Church of Night, they’ve said bye bye to the Dark Lord and needing him for their powers, and instead they’ve drawn upon an ancient Goddess’ female energy and power to connect with and help them. Then, ultimately, Sabrina becomes the Queen of Hell ruling alongside the Dark Lord.
However, Sabrina has made a big no no. Even I know you can’t mess with time, it’s dangerous. So she casually decides that she wants to have her cake and eat it too by not closing the Time Loop, and instead creating a Time Paradox. She lets two versions of herself exist: One that will rule as Queen of Hell, and one that will stay on Earth with her coven and family existing as a “regular teenage girl.” Ha! Talk about stirring the pot…I mean cauldron. Seriously, this is going to be interesting to see the chaos that ensues by two Sabrinas existing. Plus, we can’t forgot that the last scene is of Father Blackwood resurrecting or cracking the egg/womb of that same ancient alien water baby god thing, which is part of the Eldrich Terrors, the “beginning of the end of all things." That doesn’t sound sinister at all. I suspect things are going to be even crazier for season four, and as always, one hell of a ride.